I f'd up

and just ruined a friendship

this may be the last post

Yesterday

...was so hard.

Hubby decided to be all insinuative about me not comming back. Well if you are feeling that way maybe there is a reason.

Anyway he realized what a shit he was being and then got all apologetic and loving. Not the right move exlax. And started making empty promises about how getting me down to see Tucker was the most important thing to him right now. I have such a hard time beliving that.

Anyway

Should hopefully be designing more fundraising shirts today and will post if I do get them done and up.

Holding the tears

Yeah

That's what I am doing now

Yep

Right now

It's hard

I am so close to just going and hiding so I can cry without interference.

I know it's a few years away

But still

I can see it in my head

I wish I wasn't this way!

I would rather live in glorious oblivion to the future.

At least this future anyway.

Why can't it be seeing a miraculous recovery again?

This might be worse than loosing my brother or my son...

Damn music

IT can lift you up or bring you crashing down so hard you don't want to move and all you want to do is hold your friend and cry.

Don't Speak by No Doubt

doing that to me right now

If me moving to Fl would keep Tucker alive just 1 yr longer I would be gone tomorrow.

So lost

Thats what I will be.

On the day that my friend

Leaves me.

Just one last time

Thats all I ask

For us to hang

Before

It is too late for her

To have fun

Anymore

The only people

That will even think to help

It has to be a year or less

Then

She will not be able to do

All the things we haven't had the chance to.

All I ask

From the Lord Above

Is that He help me get

The time to have with her

Before

It's

Too

Late

Last few days

Were ok to good to great.

Varying degrees within a day.

Sunday Tucker called. That was great. She wanted to let me know she had gotten the letter and that they were working on getting the tix.

I so need to start bugging for fundraising sites.

There just has to be someone/somewhere I can have a few fundraising sales.

If anyone in Boise ID reads this--I need a business/store owner/anyone with road frontage and parking that will sponsor me for having a fundraising sale.

I Think...

...I just had a glimpse of the future.

I saw my friend Tucker sitting on the steps down into our bedroom but she was not like she is now she was a beautiful golden swathed angel.

I know this is an inevitable future but I don't want it. I just have no choice in the matter.

I do not want to loose my BFF.

I didn't blog yesterday.

Yesterday was a good day.

Today, not so much...

Today is today

...and so far its OK.

I haven't cried yet today.

Maybe it's because I received some bit of good news last night.

My sister can get me a hotel room for under $50 a night so i wont need as much as i thought I would for that.

I will still need enough to stay for a while for food and personal stuff and cabs and the such.

But so far

today is just today and tomorrow is still tomorrow

Whargarble?

It's been 2 days since I found out I might loose my BFF.

I seriously can't think of anything other than getting down to see her.

Just can't live with myself if I end up in another Paul situation.

I was so busy then trying to be and do what everyone else wanted that I only saw him once while he was dying from cancer.

I rushed to his side at the last minuets.

Can't do that again.

Just can't.

I am selling shirts to try to raise money to get to see her while we can still have some good moments together.

And yes Shelly I will BBQ that bird if it bites me, or just go to the e.r. and get stitches again. LOL

http://www.printfection.com/BFFFundraiser/Fundraiser-Light-Womens-T-Shirt/_p_6023840